


aichessemfor

by quardon



Category: High School Musical (Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2020-01-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:33:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22154830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quardon/pseuds/quardon
Summary: Ryan Evans isn't as friendly and energetic as everyone seems to think he is. He's gay and depressed and starts talking to Chad Danforth, a bi disaster. Friendship and eventually ~romance~ ensue.(i am honestly not sure if i will ever finish this, but it's not completely impossible)
Relationships: Chad Danforth/Ryan Evans
Comments: 7
Kudos: 45





	1. Coming Out?

**Author's Note:**

> hsm is life,, it's got the gay, but not enough gay because disney is shit but guess what kids??  
> fanfiction exists and that's what you're about to read.  
> also this doesn't stick to the basic canon storyline because i can do what i want uwu  
> and this is,, kind of?? ironically written  
> but i also have way too much emotional investment in ryan x chad (i refuse to call it chyan) and genuinely love hsm  
> so let's just say its that i have some moments of self-awareness,,
> 
> from one gay to another, i hope you enjoy.

I don't think I would've ever imagined my life ending up like this.. So many things happened. It still doesn't feel real to me. I guess I should explain. It all started with sophomore year of high school. You probably already know, but that's the year when Gabriella Montez—the smart, pretty, talented, nearly instantly popular, and self-described 'freaky genius girl'—came to our school.  
It changed a lot of how people like Troy Bolton saw things. He realised he doesn't have to be just 'the basketball guy'. He became more okay with his acting/singing side, even if his parents and friends didn't feel the same way at first. They probably thought guys in drama class are automatically 'gay' because expressing yourself and just having fun isn't what a true man does.. But I digress.  
Troy Bolton's accepting of himself changed a lot for people like me.. But in a different way than you'd think. As an Evans, I'm expected to be flamboyant because everyone assumes we're _all that_ just by nature. Like it just comes with the name. So I guess it's way easier for me, since I have an affinity for theatre in the first place. Being Sharpay's twin brother didn't really help for that image, either.  
At first, I just wanted to be your average kid who happens to like theatre. But, naturally, Sharpay recruited me to audition with her for any kind of performance. It started with shows at our parents' country club. She'd make me memorise a song and dance routine and we'd do whatever she wanted. Then in middle school, when plays started to come up more and more often, she'd make me practice for hours on end with her to get the lead roles of everything.  
To condense it, I guess I could just say.. I'm not your typical Evans. I'm not naturally independent. I don't stand out just because I'm being me. I'm more average. I'm boring. I've faked a lot of things in my life, but the biggest thing is my personality. It's so exhausting constantly pretending to be a person you're entirely not.  
My parents expected me to be the type of theatre guy who is surrounded by people who love him, predominantly girls. While I actually am surrounded by girls.. It's because I'm just friendly. I'm friends with basically anyone you walk by in East High. Don't ask me why, because I still haven't figured it out. It's just easy for me to talk to people, and it's easy for them to talk to me.  
I'm so tired of being surrounded by whiny rich people who fake a big sense of confidence only to make other whiny rich people feel like shit about themselves. Nobody has to have the newest anything to have a speck of self-confidence. They're so shallow. Most everyone I know is fighting for popularity or recognition. Me? I just want to do what I find fun.  
So imagine it's the first day of school, my second year of high school. The summer had been great because I didn't have to worry about faking much. At least Sharpay had fewer performances because she was apparently trying to write songs.

I've known from a very young age that I had something 'different' about me. I never could put it to words until I was about fourteen.. It's something that took me forever to be okay with and get used to. I'm gay. Yes. Ryan Evans is gay. _I like guys _.__ People had called me it or similar names before, mocking me, further causing me to feel ashamed that it was who I really am.. It's taken so much energy to accept myself.  
But here's the thing.. Nobody really knows. Whenever the name-calling happened, Sharpay defended me only because "you can't say that to an Evans—we have reputations to keep up", and not because "it's disrespectful to make jokes based on sexual orientation". She assured everyone I am _not_ gay. That would just be disappointing to our family and everyone else, apparently.

There's this one girl in drama class named Kelsi. She is really nice, but shy. She writes music and has a strange fashion sense, but that doesn't really matter. What matters is, we became kind-of close. It wasn't just the kind of thing where I talk to _anyone _.__ We spent hours talking about anything. Music, life, people.. Family.  
One day she mentioned the dorkiest guy at our school—Jason. She said he seemed really nice but never got to know him. "Yeah," I said flatly. "I guess he's nice." We were both sitting cross-legged on the floor backstage. She smiled strangely. _Oh_ , I realised. _She likes him_. "So, when are you going to talk to him?" I asked slowly. She looked at my eyes. "Ugh, Ryan, I don't know.. It's kind of weird talking about this stuff."  
I nodded slowly. "It's okay." She smiled a little bit. "So. Do you have a girl on your mind?" I froze. My mind raced trying to figure out something to say. "Ah. I'll never be with a girl." She raised her eyebrows. "You have no hope, huh? You're really a nice guy, Ryan, I'm sure you'll find someone." I held my hands on my feet and pulled my legs closer to myself. "What if I don't care about girls?" She looked confused.  
"What do you mean by that? You won't be bothered to date them in high school, or you think it's a distraction..?" I chewed my lip, unconsciously looking past her. Checking if someone for whatever reason would be listening in. "I don't like girls, Kelsi." She closed her mouth. I wasn't sure if she knew what I meant. "I- I like guys, though." Her face lost any hint of expression.  
I was worried I shouldn't have said it, but then she smiled. "It's okay, Ryan. Calm down. It's okay to be gay. I won't let something like that change anything." I sighed. "Thank you. But please don't tell anyone. You know how people are.. Nobody knows." She looked kinda sad for a moment but then her mouth formed a warm smile. "I'm glad you trust me." I looked at the ground, wondering what even just happened.  
How was it so easy? I always thought it would be full of adrenaline and anxiety, maybe some yelling.. But it was a simple sentence. It just fell out. "So, do you have someone, then? A boy you like?" I frowned. "Kelsi, I _am_ gay, but it doesn't mean I like someone." She laughed. "I'm just curious. You can talk about it to me now, you know." I nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah, I guess so."

I began to spend even more time with Kelsi. Later, there was an upcoming school play which Sharpay roped me into doing with her. Kelsi told me I shouldn't be such a pushover, but my sister tends to make my life worse when she doesn't get her way. I ended up seeing her less and less because of the practice hours I was forced into.  
One night, I found myself feeling worn thin. Sharpay yelled at me for my throat getting tired. She side-eyed me and asked, "What's wrong with you lately, anyway? You've been acting all weird and it's ruining our practice, Ryan!" I sighed and crossed my arms. "I'm tired. My throat is sore. Do you really want me to ruin my voice before the show? And, I mean, I haven't seen friends in weeks."  
She scoffed as her hands clamped her hips. "Ry. I appreciate your personal comments, but we need to keep working. Do something about your throat, or I'm about to throw you out. What friends do you have, anyway? Isn't there that Kayla girl? What do you even see in _that_ train wreck?" I stared at her with disbelief. "She's my best friend, and her name is _Kelsi!_ I can't believe you right now."  
She pouted, her infantile behaviour really starting to bother me. "Oh, I don't care if she's your first crush or whatever. Your future in theatre is more important than this girl. Okay?" I clenched my jaw. "She's just a friend," I spat out. "And it's not okay. I should get to choose what my life is like."  
Sharpay narrowed her eyes at me as I began to gather the scripts. "What, are you gay, or something?" I dropped a handful of just-organised papers. "What does that even mean?" I asked, trying to sound casual. "Oh my god. You _so_ are gay!" I stopped trying to fix the mess of papers and turned to her. "I'm not gay. And why would it even be so bad if I were?"  
She squealed. "Ryan! There's nothing bad about it. That's so cute—oh, you could be like my gay best friend—but it's even better, because you're my brother!" She gasped and nodded, biting her lip. "This is amazing. Everyone's going to be jealous." I pressed a hand to my forehead. "Nobody will be jealous, Sharpay, because _nobody_ will know. You can't tell anyone!"  
She gave me a 'yeah, right' look and grabbed me by my shoulder. "We are going shopping tomorrow. We just are." I laughed wryly. "I'm not going anywhere with you." She rolled her eyes and made another high-pitched noise. "You will come with me everywhere I go, starting now. And do you have a boyfriend? That would be so cute." I gave a groan of disgust. And it isn't like I don't follow her everywhere in the first place.  
"Fortunately, no.." She scoffed. "Of course you don't. You barely even have friends. I'll find you a boyfriend. It's okay." I ground my teeth together, wondering what I should do. _What would Kelsi say I should do?_ "Stop talking," I half-yelled. "You don't get to tell me what to do! If I wanted to be with someone, I'd probably be with someone. I have enough self-respect to know that high school isn't the right time to do that."  
She looked hurt. But that didn't matter. I actually stood up for myself. "Mom! Dad!" she yelled in her piercing voice. _Oh, god. What would happen now?_ Almost immediately, our parents appeared in the doorway, out of breath. "What is it, baby?" asked my mother, her eyes wide with sympathy. Sharpay groaned. "Ryan is sad that he doesn't have a boyfriend and it's making me depressed. Daddy, we should do something."  
I tried to start speaking right away, saying I didn't want a boyfriend and that she wasn't telling the truth. Our parents decided we should all sit down, so we were first driven to our house from the country club. The whole trip was plagued with silence. Heavy silence. My heart raced the whole time. This was the adrenaline kind of coming out. I wasn't able to control this situation. That scared me.

Once we were all comfortable (Sharpay took several minutes apparently 'freshening up') and sat down on various pieces of furniture, my father led the conversation. "So, Ryan, is there something you want to tell us?" I slouched. "No." Sharpay's mouth gaped open. "Ryan wants a boyfriend, Daddy. He expressed to me in clear words that he feels lonely. I think it's very sad." She pouted again.  
My father looked concerned. I wasn't sure why. "You're gay, Ryan?" my mother asked, her voice excited. _Of course._ "I could always tell. It makes so much more sense now." Said the woman who married a man who owns a collection of over thirty pairs of shoes. Stereotypes only the worst of the worst choose to believe.  
"I don't think we need to have a family conversation about this," I said slowly. "Why not, Ryan? I feel bad that we aren't as close as I thought we were," whined Sharpay. My father hadn't said anything yet, so I just looked at his face. It was hard to interpret. "I never said any of what she's saying. I was talking about my friend Kelsi when Sharpay, out of nowhere, assumed I'm gay. She never listens to me."  
My father finally spoke. "While it is clear that we need more communication within our family, you have always been a storyteller, Ryan." I felt angry as my mother hummed in agreement, adding, "Remember especially the younger years? He made up things about everything. Like when he said angels waved to him on Christmas Eve. Oh, that was sweet." I didn't even remember that.  
"I don't want you to have a boyfriend," my father said plainly. "We are a good, clean family, and I won't have people seeing you do ... such a thing." Sharpay and my mother smirked, even though earlier they'd pretended to be 'supportive'. I bit my cheek. "Well, I don't want to have a boyfriend, either. Because I'm not attracted to men. I'm not gay. Come on!" My father stood, shaking his head.


	2. Coming Across as Normal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY OKAY  
> i watched hsmtmts and its so fucken good  
> they did a good job at bringing the vibes back and i can't wait for the next season jfhgrukdgh
> 
> big red annoys the shit out of me for some reason and i am disappointed by the RYAN ERASURE I WITNESSED  
> but i will wait for the writers to redeem themselves  
> also carlos and seb are so lovely omg  
> okay i'm done talking about the series-
> 
> pls enjoy~

The next day, I was able to briefly see Kelsi at lunch. "Hey, how are you doing?" came her genuine voice. "Not well," I whispered. Her eyebrows twitched. "What's wrong? Are you okay?" I shook my head slightly. "I don't want to—or I can't, really—talk about it here.. But, Sharpay knows. She told my parents, and it's not good." Kelsi's face paled. "What? How did she know?" I shook my head. "It doesn't matter."  
She nudged me softly. "It _does_ matter. Ryan. This is important." I guess I was just trying not to cry. I hadn't gotten much sleep because of what happened, so I was even more prone to being emotional. I held my hand up to my mouth, trying to keep it all in. "I'm not hungry," I said in a quiet voice. Kelsi frowned at me.

Sharpay lessened the intensity of our practice, but she seemed to ask more intrusive questions each day. "How did you know, Ryan?" I shook my head, "I'm not saying anything." She raised a single eyebrow. "Yes, you _are_. I can make you talk." I set a palm against my face. "Talk about what?" I asked.  
"It doesn't matter what it's supposed to be about. We are brother and sister, Ryan. _Twins_. We should be close." I closed the piano. "Life is full of choices. I want to make sure I get to make most of them." She sighed. "Is this another one of your philosophical crises?" I snorted. "No. It's my life goal. Someday I'll be away from all of you and I'll drive my own car, I'll talk to people who actually like me, and I'll feel comfortable doing anything."  
She rolled her eyes. "Life doesn't work like that, Ry. I'm sorry to say." Her eyebrows were raised and her lips pinched as if she had said something impactful. I left and blocked out her whining at me, begging me to stay to practice more. "You won't always get your way. Life doesn't work like that, Sharpay." She scoffed as I turned the corner.

Maybe I'm biased because of what she is to me, but I'm pretty sure Sharpay can be considered a stalker with how she acts around Troy Bolton. The situation might not be that obvious to everyone else, but at home all she ever does is talk about him. She asks me so many nonsensical questions such as, "What do you think his spirit animal is?" or my personal favourite: "How soon do you think he'll leave Gabriella to be with me?"  
She thinks she has established a good impression of herself on him, when really.. He cringes every time she speaks to him, widening his eyes in shock as she gets weirdly hyper and laughs uncontrollably. I always try to help a little by mouthing "I'm sorry" as she walks away, but he only ever stares back at me as if I'm as crazy as she is. _Oh, well._  
Thinking deeply about the situation, I roughly bumped into someone on the school steps. "Oh, _fuck_ , man, I'm so sorry-" I began. I looked up to see Chad Danforth scowling at me. I didn't expect the facial expression to be intense, so I was startled. "Uh, hi. Sorry. That won't happen again," I blurted. He gripped his basketball close to his chest and nodded. "Nah, it's okay."  
He sighed and walked away slowly. That was a confusing encounter. I wondered what was up with him and found myself still thinking about it as I walked along with Kelsi to our lockers.

"Ryan? Ryan. Are you okay?" I snapped out of it. "Hm? Yeah." She looked concerned. "Are you sure? You looked like you were daydreaming." I nodded. "Yeah. Uh, I was just thinking about Chad, and—"

She gasped. "Wait. Chad? And _you?_ "

I scrunched up my face. "What? _No!_ No, listen to me. I just happened to bump into him earlier. It was weird. He looked upset and then really sad.."

Kelsi nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah, that _is_ weird. He's usually the one that gets everyone pumped up." She curled up one side of her mouth. "But, you gotta admit. He's nice-looking."

Talking about people's looks has never come naturally to me, so I shrugged. "I guess..? He has nice hair. It suits him."

Kelsi sighed. "Why do I always do this? I say stupid crap like this, then expect you to say something about _every guy_. I'm sorry that it makes you uncomfortable."

I shook my head. "It doesn't make me uncomfortable."

She raised an eyebrow. "Evans, I knew when you're lying." She got me.

"Okay, well, I'm not downplaying anything. I couldn't hide anything from you, either."

She nodded. "I trust you." Her voice was casual. Not hiding a thing.

School is so stressful. I didn't even have much homework due that day. I just kept finding myself thinking about Chad's strange behaviour. I asked Sharpay for Troy's number. "What, you think I have—" She stopped as I raised an eyebrow. "Who do you think you're fooling? Give me his number." She pouted. "Are you kidding me? Why would I tell you? And why would you want it anyway?"  
She appeared to be examining me. "Oh, really, Ryan. My gaydar does not go off around Troy, believe me." I snorted. " _Gaydar?_ You really think that you of all people would be able to tell in any way if someone's gay?" She sighed and looked away from me. "Tell me what you want with his number and I might consider giving you it."  
I clenched my teeth. "Sharpay, this is ridiculous." She crossed her arms. We stared at each other for a while before I made up my mind that she'd never budge. "Fine. I want to ask him about Chad because he—" Sharpay gasped. "So it's Chad, huh?" She smiled evilly. I shook my head. "Umm.. No. I literally _bumped into him_ earlier and he didn't seem right. I care about people in general, as some of us humans do, so I want to make sure he is okay." She shook her head. "Why do you have to lie about everything? Do I have to tell mom again?" I was so fucking tired of her and yelled, "No!" She froze and looked legitimately shocked. I didn’t want to deal with the aftermath, so I left her room and ran to mine.

After sitting on my bed in complete silence for a ridiculous amount of time, I picked up my cellphone and called Kelsi’s house. Her mother answered and asked who was calling. “It's Ryan. Hey, uh.. Can I speak to Kelsi?” I shifted on my bed, hearing the muffled sound of Kelsi's name being called out. A few moments later, I heard her familiar sigh through the phone. "Ryan, are you doing okay?" Her voice was so full of concern. I frowned. "Yeah." I realised what I said and sat up. "Actually ... no. Do you wanna go somewhere? I need to get the fuck out of here." There was a silence. "Uhm, I'm not sure if I can go out right now. Wait a moment." My eyebrows lowered even more and I fell backward onto my bed. _She's got her own busy life, learn to respect that._ I heard a faint clattering and then her voice once more. "Okay, it's fine, yeah, I can hang out. Where were you thinking of going?"

-~-~-~-~-

I don't often go to the park. It's always way more peaceful than I remember. It seems so unnatural and separate from reality with how serene and void of Sharpay it is. Wind pushing tree branches, causing leaves to shake has to be one of my favourite things. We were sitting on the freshly cut grass, under a tree. I closed my eyes. The rushing sounds of leaves gave me chills. "Ryan?" I jerked my eyes open and looked at Kelsi. "Hmm?" I hummed in response. "It's going to be okay. Really soon. I can feel it. You'll be able to get away from them. I can take care of you." I laughed at the last part without meaning to. "I don't need anyone to take care of me.. But you really think so? It'll get better soon?" She nodded wordlessly, eyes red. "It has to. If it starts to get worse, then I'll make it get better. Things can't always be so shitty for you, Ryan, it's not fair."  
I closed my eyes again and leant backward until I was lying down on the grass. "Who ever said anything had to be fair?" We didn't talk about that anymore. Instead, the air spoke, whispering through the grass and branches and giving me a reassuring feeling. I felt at peace. For now. Kelsi shifted next to me and I ended up with my head in her lap, her fingers playing with my hair. I don't deserve her. Honestly. She does way more for me than I could ever do for her. She is such an amazing friend. I could've fallen asleep just then, but there was a distant smacking noise and when I opened my eyes, a blur of brown appeared in front of me and hit my face. I groaned and sat up seeing only white and a small blur of green. I blinked rapidly, my eyes starting to water a ridiculous amount. I used my sleeves to wipe the wetness from my face. My vision cleared up a bit and I looked down to see a football in front of me. I noticed that my nose was bleeding, and cupped my hand to my face. "Uhh, what just fucking happened?" I was able to stammer out. Kelsi was saying something that I couldn't process.  
A shadow passed across her face and I looked over to see Chad standing at a short distance. "Oh, god, I am _so sorry_ -" he kept repeating the apology, frozen to the spot. I looked up at his face and tried to smile to reassure him that I was fine, but I was really in pain and it was disorienting. "Don't worry," I muttered, "you didn't kill me." He stepped forward and leant down to pick up the ball. "Hey," Kelsi spat out, "how've you been?" He hesitated, stepping back a bit. It was weird, since we don't ever talk to him, but I knew what she was trying to do. I stood up, the blood rushing out of my nose even faster. "I've gotta clean this up." Chad shrugged and said he was doing alright. Their conversation slowly became inaudible the further I walked away.

I had to open the bathroom door with my elbow because I didn't want to make a mess of blood. I felt ridiculous in the process, but it eventually worked. Blood is actually _really_ hard to wash off of stuff. Even if it hasn't dried, it's like it tries its hardest to cling everywhere. I somehow didn't have any on my clothes, so that made me feel a little relieved. But I was mostly just confused. I didn't even know Chad well at all but I could tell that something was really wrong with him. Once the bleeding had stopped, I made sure I was thoroughly cleaned. I looked up at the dirt-specked mirror and noticed how red my eyes still were. Whatever.

Chad was still talking to Kelsi by the time I got back. It confused me, so I approached slowly. "What's up?" I asked, hesitating. Kelsi stared at me and nodded almost imperceptibly. What was that supposed to mean? "I guess I'll be seeing you, Ryan," said Chad in a flat voice as he walked away. When I was certain he wasn't within earshot I turned to Kelsi and asked her what she did. "Why are you saying it like you're accusing me of something?" she laughed. I shook my head. "Really, what's going on?" She watched him in the distance. "He was just playing football with some friends and they were messing around and one of them accidentally ended up kicking the ball really far, and it hit you. No big deal." I ran a hand through my hair. "Yeah, it's not a big deal, but why was he talking to you that whole time? I thought he didn't talk to people like us." She looked almost offended. "He's a nice person, Ryan. He mentioned a party he was planning and invited us." We didn't stay there for much longer and she had to go home anyway.

I'm not a party kind of person. I thought about telling Kelsi I couldn't go because I had things to rehearse or something, but she'd call out my bullshit. I don't enjoy parties, but it would be good for me. That's what Kelsi would tell me, anyway. _You have to spend more time doing things you actually like_ , she once said. Why does she have to be so right about so many things? It was almost dinner time and I was anticipating having to sit with my family again. _What do I talk about? What do I say to them? Do I make things up? Why would I do that? Jesus christ, I need to calm down._


End file.
